Obstacles in Our Spritual Life

Dear readers,

By the mercy of Śrī Guru and Śrī Gaurāṅga we will discuss different topics related with our bhajana. In this article we will focus on the obstacles in our spiritual life.

After wandering throughout many universes, a fortunate soul gets the chance to surrender at the lotus feet of Śrī Guru and Śrī Gaurāṅga. However, due to our independent mentality, past karma, or by bad association, we are unable to perform all the activities which are related to this bhakti process. Therefore, after cultivating this process for many years, still we don’t have a strong attachment or deep relationship with Śrī Guru and Śrī Gaurāṅga. As a result our condition is in between, which means that we are neither rejecting this process nor we are accepting this process deeply in our heart. In other words, we don’t want to enjoy māyā and we also don’t want to serve Śrī Guru and Śrī Gaurāṅga. This in between" stage is very dangerous for devotees. In the Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam [3.7.17] it is mentioned that, "Both the lowest of fools and he who is transcendental to all intelligence enjoy happiness, whereas persons between them suffer the material pangs."

So what are the obstacles in our process of surrendering and devotional activities?

1. If someone continues his independence, after accepting guru-pāda-padma, that means that the person is acting whimsically. This is a great obstacle in spiritual life. At that stage all our spiritual activities can be compared to a drama show. When we surrender at the lotus feet of Śrī Guru, it should be free from all material motives and from duplicity. To become strong in spiritual life we have to associate with saintly devotees, because in reality there is no natural śraddhā in our heart. According to Śrīla Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura a fortunate soul achieves śraddhā from a pure devotee. And the symptom of that śraddhā is that constant hankering to give pleasure to Śrī Guru and Śrī Gaurāṅga. Śraddhā starts from hearing. Hearing from a pure devotee with unflinching faith helps to eradicate the impurities from our heart. Only then we may be able to understand how this independent mentality is dangerous for us.

2. Although we are well conversant with śāstra, and we know guru-tattva, we still fail to develop our proper mood to please Śrī Guru. We know the essence of śāstra, yasya prasādād... yasya deve parā bhakti, still we are only uttering, preaching and instructing others like we know all these siddhāntas. But in reality we are not practising this knowledge in our daily life, we are not engaging ourselves in the loving service of Kṛṣṇa.

3. To please Śrī Guru and Śrī Gaurāṅga we have to mature our internal mood. That means that we have to see Śrī Guru and Śrī Gaurāṅga as our life and soul. Without engaging in their service, the body is dead. Gurudeva used to say, "don’t give up service." All our external spiritual activities, service, practised with sādhanā is meant for developing an internal mood. In other words, real spiritual satisfaction begins from that stage where an internal mood is established. Without being attached to Śrī Guru and Śrī Gaurāṅga at that stage, life is useless, because the happiness of Guru and Kṛṣṇa should be my happiness.

4. Sometimes we are fully engaged in the service of Gurudeva, that we don’t even have the time for śravaṇa, kīrtana and the study of scriptures. We are then condemning ourselves and we may think, "I am wasting my time and energy, I have no time for my own sādhanā and bhajana. I am only busy with so called sevā, which is nothing else then only karma, material activities. Instead I should perform pure devotion." In this way so many thoughts attack the mind. Outwardly we want to perform spiritual activities according to our mind and intelligence, but we are reluctant to perform sādhu-guru sevā with love and affection. Why? Because the mind thinks that in sādhu-guru sevā there is no independence.

5. We perform sevā without love and affection for some days, and then decide that it is better to give up this so called sevā, and focus on śravaṇa and kīrtana. For some days we do sevā for adoration, and to show and preach to others that this is real bhakti, but eventually we forget that without being engaged in the loving service of Guru and Kṛṣṇa, our so called bhajana and chanting is nothing else but only nāmākṣara, alphabets. Only in the bhaktābhāsa stage we try to follow this, eventhough we know very well that our heart and mind is not with Guru and Kṛṣṇa, rather it is oscillating here and there. Like Śrīla Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura mentioned, "we are counting our mala from one to sixty-four rounds every day, but in our heart there is not even one drop of bhakti mellow." In this way we continue our practice. At some point we will be unable to continue our bhajana in this mood, and become frustrated.

6. After we become frustrated we want see the faults of devotees, gurus and in our sampradāya. Lastly, we decide that it is better to stay alone in a small bhajana-kuṭīra and perform nirjana-bhajana. Sometimes we ask permission from the guru for this, but there are also times that we don’t care about the guru and others and we just stay in a solitary place. According to Śrīla Bhaktisiddhānta Sarasvatī Ṭhākura this is called cheating. Cheating as in to cheat others, but also to be cheated by our own mind. One can get bhakti-adhikāra only by the mercy of a pure devotee.

7. Sometimes we are thinking, "I am not a scholar, I am only working like a labour. Others are preachers, scholars, and everyone are giving respect to them. Everyone are helping them. What will happen to me when I will be old? Who will help me? It is better to give up this service, and focus on studying the literatures." When we develop this mentality, we lose real wealth, which is loving service towards Guru and Kṛṣṇa. Instead of devotion, pratiṣṭhā occupies our heart. As a result of this we will not have a sincere mood to serve Śrī Guru and Śrī Gaurāṅga, rather we will secretly or in subtle way satisfy our own senses and think that this is service. Instead of having a sincere mood a discriminating mood develops in our mind. That means that we think that the sevā which I am doing is smaller, or is better or greater than other sevā. Eventually anarthas arises in our heart, especially duplicitousness and false prestige.

8. Sometimes the thought comes to our mind, "unless we become expert in vaiṣṇava-siddhānta how can I perform bhajana? My service is always creating a hindrance for studying the śāstras, and to know siddhāntas. It is better for me if I will collect mādhukarī, mention myself and study śāstras. By doing this we give up our service and invite danger to our lives. Instead of achieving knowledge through śrouta panthā, in the name of siddhānta, slowly we enter to tarka panthā. As a result our heart becomes harder and we lose faith towards Guru and Kṛṣṇa.

9. Generally we neglect sādhu-guru’s instructions, or we are not giving importance to their teachings. Due to this negligent attitude, although we are performing service outwardly very expertly, inside we always struggle with bodily demands. Different ideas, thoughts of the past, all come to the mind and draw us towards different directions. Although there is a chance to serve Śrī Guru and Śrī Gaurāṅga, and to rectify ourselves, we don’t feel enthusiastic to do that and we lose taste towards hari-kathā. Because we are not following the instructions of sādhu-guru, we lose the determinating power to perform spiritual activities. As a result everything in our spiritual life feels like imaginary. Lastly, we reach to the stage where we get hopeless and give up this path.

10. After hearing hari-kathā from sādhu-guru for some days, sometimes, out of mercy gurudeva orders us to preach. Unable to understand the mood of Śrī Guru we suddenly think, "I am now above śravaṇa dāsa." Which means that there is no need to hear from Gurudeva anymore. What Gurudeva is speaking, is not for me anymore, but for others who didn't get the order to preach. Śrīla Prabhupāda used to say, "hearing is the basic principle of understanding Kṛṣṇa Conciousness." And Gurudeva used to say, "the hearing process is eternal." One may ask the question then, "why has Gurudeva ordered to preach if hearing is the basic principle and an eternal process?" The answer to that question is, to please Guru and Kṛṣṇa by glorifying the pastimes of bhakta and bhagavān. A true disciple understands tattva clearly and achieves perfect spiritual realization. But if we think, "I know śāstra, there is no need of hearing from sādhu and guru." This thought results in developing anarthas.

11. If we preach hari-kathā through a serving attitude, sevonmukhe bhāva, it is very helpful for our bhajana. If we continue to think that our mood is to teach others, rather to think that through preaching we get the opportunity to daily hear from Śrī Guru, is a dangerous mood and is not at all safe for the preacher. Real preaching is hearing from a preacher. Because a preacher preaches what he hears from sādhu and śāstra. That is the hearing process. This should be the internal mood of a preacher. Therefore, a preacher wants to preach everyday to hear from his guru and the paramaparā-ācāryas.
Dāsānudāsa,

Haladhara Swami